Both of my jobs have satellite radio stations with a select group of "appropriate" songs. The hardware store has always played some complete crap, but Kohl's does play one terrifyingly and terribly troublesome song that the hardware store would never dare add to it's playlist because it reeks of shit.
This list will probably be lengthened, but here are the top three worst songs I have to hear just about everyday at work:
No. 1
(Keep Feeling) Fascination by The Human League
This song truly makes me cringe. I dunno if it is the awful duets or the awkward rhythms, but it's bad. Oh it is so, so bad! And not in the way that many 80s favorites are, in that they're so crappy the round the bend and become sorta good. Not that you'd ever admit that you actually like it or anything (such as this gem by Hall and Oates). But honestly, "Fascination" may just ruin music entirely for me if I continue to hear it multiple times a night at Kohl's. The hardware store has some shit music on the radio, but they'd never stoop so low as to play The Human League.
No. 2
Glory of Love - Chicago (or maybe just Peter Cetera. I don't care enough to research it anymore)
Woah! WOAH! This starts out crappy and slow but then it intensely builds up to a full fledged shit show. The terrible quality remains throughout. I had to listen to this every freakin' saturday at least three times a day when I worked during high school. I must say I love the arbitrary pictures that someone set to this song on the youtube video. Somehow the comments are all praising it. Maybe I'm the only one who despises this song (very doubtful).
No. 3
Walk Between the Raindrops - Fagen Donald
I'm shocked I found this song on youtube. I don't have a distinct reason for hating it, other than thinking its just too kitschy for its own good. Also it gets stuck in my head really easily and it is NOT something I ever want to hear. And also...the lyrics make no sense. Walk between the raindrops?! Seriously Fagen Donald, who I had never heard of until I did a lyric search two minutes ago, what does walking between the raindrops entail? Fuck you.
More to come. People will keep writing terrible music, satellite radios at places I work will insist on playing it, and I will despise it.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
"That is one giant rain bong!"
In addition to working at Kohl's, I also work at the local hardware store. This job is definitely preferable. My manager said the title quote while referring to this stupid product. It is an unnecessarily huge "rain bong". Honestly now! Working retail you learn that there is a plethora of stupid crap for sale in this country and there are even more people stupid enough to buy it.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
The Kohl's Chronicles pt. 2
The associates (read: bitchworkers) had to stay an hour and fifteen minutes after the store closed today. I do so much folding at work that when I get home and have to do my own laundry, I think I should be exempt from folding. But that is sadly not the case.
A peculiar thing happened today. A boy who was about 12 years old came up to me and asked if we sold necklaces for boys. This kid didn't even look gay (Yes, I know I'm a terrible person). After one failed search on Google, I discovered that there is a decently sized market for jewelry for males. Interestingly enough, the pendants are of skulls, dragons, axes, bald eagles, and, y'know, griffins. I guess the only way a man can get a way with wearing jewelry is if it's hyper-masculine. Overcompensation, anyone?
Another interesting thing I learned at work is that you can eat Crocs. One of my fellow employees was wearing them (which is actually completely against the company dress code, but who gives a fuck) and she said that she saw on TV that they are actually edible. That's good to know if I ever get stranded on a remote island with Crocs in tow. (Ironically, a deserted locale is the only place I would wear ever wear those shoes. Screw comfort, those shoes are fug!). A quick search brought some clarity to the situation. P S over at Yahoo Answers states, "Yes, you can eat them, but you will also crap them out undigested!". His source(s): "My dog ate one". Debunked! Crocs would've maybe earned some respect if it had turned out they could potentially save someone's life in a dire situation. They're just plain tragic and have nothing to contribute to society. Essentially, they're the Phoebe Price of footwear.
A peculiar thing happened today. A boy who was about 12 years old came up to me and asked if we sold necklaces for boys. This kid didn't even look gay (Yes, I know I'm a terrible person). After one failed search on Google, I discovered that there is a decently sized market for jewelry for males. Interestingly enough, the pendants are of skulls, dragons, axes, bald eagles, and, y'know, griffins. I guess the only way a man can get a way with wearing jewelry is if it's hyper-masculine. Overcompensation, anyone?
Another interesting thing I learned at work is that you can eat Crocs. One of my fellow employees was wearing them (which is actually completely against the company dress code, but who gives a fuck) and she said that she saw on TV that they are actually edible. That's good to know if I ever get stranded on a remote island with Crocs in tow. (Ironically, a deserted locale is the only place I would wear ever wear those shoes. Screw comfort, those shoes are fug!). A quick search brought some clarity to the situation. P S over at Yahoo Answers states, "Yes, you can eat them, but you will also crap them out undigested!". His source(s): "My dog ate one". Debunked! Crocs would've maybe earned some respect if it had turned out they could potentially save someone's life in a dire situation. They're just plain tragic and have nothing to contribute to society. Essentially, they're the Phoebe Price of footwear.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
The Summer of Running
I went to visit my sister who lives in Ft. Lauderdale for spring break (how cliche...spring break in Florida). The month before I went I started working out since bikinis are the traditional garb of female Floridians and I didn't want to be chubby and pale). Running seemed the easiest and quickest way to whip my slightly flabby self into shape. Within a week of starting my routine, my little belly "pooch" was starting to diminish, and I was building ab muscle as well. This summer, since I am no longer bogged down with school and homework, I've decided to kick it up a notch. I've been doubling my distance and hoping to build up endurance. I highly recommend this form of exercise and will share with you the three best products I've found for my own personal running regimen.
No. 1
Brooks Adrenaline GTS 8
This beaut of a shoe has saved my knees! Though they are expensive, it is a great investment. These are great for me because I need the stability they provide. I bought them at an awesome running store where the employees actually watched me run and then chose a few different shoes for me based on how much I roll my foot. I felt awkward running up and down the store, but it was worth it. When I put the Brooks shoe on and ran 30 feet, I just knew that those babies were gonna change my whole summer running plan.
No. 2
Shu-shu-shuffle!
Besides being able to eat a spud without guilt, music is the greatest motivator for me as a runner. You can save a little bit of money if you buy a refurbished shuffle straight from Apple. I paid around 40 bucks, and shipping was free.
The next step is to load your teensy little player with tunes that have good beats. Five of my favorite running tunes are:
We Will Still Need a Song - Hawksley Workman
Hey Ya! -Outkast
When Did Your Heart Go Missing? - Rooney
Touch The Sky - Kanye West
Supermassive Black Hole - Muse
I'm open to suggestions for new songs, although my 1 GB shuffle is damn near full.
No. 3
Shorts
For women, a great sports bra is essential for running, but I've found that the right pair of shorts can also make a world of difference. When I first started running I wore some crappy cotton shorts which chafed, in addition to letting sweat and moisture collect down there, which only made that situation more uncomfortable. Nike's Road Race shorts are extremely lightweight and comfortable. When I'm running in them, I sometimes feel like I'm not wearing any bottoms (which, let me add, is quite liberating :o) ). Nike makes loads of great running shorts. Being raised in a liberal household, I was told over and over that Nike, Adidas, and all those bigwig athletic companies were terrible because they used cheap labor and outsourced jobs. But...Nike's shorts are too good to pass up.
Cheers!
No. 1
Brooks Adrenaline GTS 8
This beaut of a shoe has saved my knees! Though they are expensive, it is a great investment. These are great for me because I need the stability they provide. I bought them at an awesome running store where the employees actually watched me run and then chose a few different shoes for me based on how much I roll my foot. I felt awkward running up and down the store, but it was worth it. When I put the Brooks shoe on and ran 30 feet, I just knew that those babies were gonna change my whole summer running plan.
No. 2
Shu-shu-shuffle!
Besides being able to eat a spud without guilt, music is the greatest motivator for me as a runner. You can save a little bit of money if you buy a refurbished shuffle straight from Apple. I paid around 40 bucks, and shipping was free.
The next step is to load your teensy little player with tunes that have good beats. Five of my favorite running tunes are:
We Will Still Need a Song - Hawksley Workman
Hey Ya! -Outkast
When Did Your Heart Go Missing? - Rooney
Touch The Sky - Kanye West
Supermassive Black Hole - Muse
I'm open to suggestions for new songs, although my 1 GB shuffle is damn near full.
No. 3
Shorts
For women, a great sports bra is essential for running, but I've found that the right pair of shorts can also make a world of difference. When I first started running I wore some crappy cotton shorts which chafed, in addition to letting sweat and moisture collect down there, which only made that situation more uncomfortable. Nike's Road Race shorts are extremely lightweight and comfortable. When I'm running in them, I sometimes feel like I'm not wearing any bottoms (which, let me add, is quite liberating :o) ). Nike makes loads of great running shorts. Being raised in a liberal household, I was told over and over that Nike, Adidas, and all those bigwig athletic companies were terrible because they used cheap labor and outsourced jobs. But...Nike's shorts are too good to pass up.
Cheers!
The Summer of Kohl's (AKA The Kohl's Chronicles)
Workin' two jobs is never good, but it's even worse when one of those jobs is at Kohl's. I got hired there three weeks ago and it has been a goddamn nightmare ever since. That red brick building houses mountains of yawn inspiring, crappy clothing which manage to accrue in the fitting rooms on purposeful piles on the floor.
My only job is to pick up clothes and put them back from whence they came.
The juniors department is terrible to work in, primarily because I have no choice but to overhear the conversations of 16 year olds who have just acquired their drivers license and decide to drive to Kohl's and try on 39 items just for the fuck of it. I wouldn't mind it terribly if they actually hung the damn clothes up when they're done. But that will clearly never happen.
On my very first day of work at 9:30 pm(the store closes at 10), four girls wearing graphic tees with the likes of Elmo and Alice in Wonderland on them, came into the Juniors department and viciously attacked the clearance rack and the disastrously tacky Candies clothes. As they were trying things on they were making very loud conversation about how they wanted to see each other nakedLOLOMGZ. I must say, I did honestly LOL when the shorter, stout girl sought approval from her friends. "You guys, I can't believe I need to wear a large now. It's just because my boobs are so big, you know. You guys know I'm really a medium, right?!" I guess she's not fat, she's big boobed. When she exited the fitting room leaving all the clothes in a pile on the floor, it took all my willpower to keep from walking up to her, putting my hand on her shoulder and saying, "Honey...you're a large".
My only job is to pick up clothes and put them back from whence they came.
The juniors department is terrible to work in, primarily because I have no choice but to overhear the conversations of 16 year olds who have just acquired their drivers license and decide to drive to Kohl's and try on 39 items just for the fuck of it. I wouldn't mind it terribly if they actually hung the damn clothes up when they're done. But that will clearly never happen.
On my very first day of work at 9:30 pm(the store closes at 10), four girls wearing graphic tees with the likes of Elmo and Alice in Wonderland on them, came into the Juniors department and viciously attacked the clearance rack and the disastrously tacky Candies clothes. As they were trying things on they were making very loud conversation about how they wanted to see each other nakedLOLOMGZ. I must say, I did honestly LOL when the shorter, stout girl sought approval from her friends. "You guys, I can't believe I need to wear a large now. It's just because my boobs are so big, you know. You guys know I'm really a medium, right?!" I guess she's not fat, she's big boobed. When she exited the fitting room leaving all the clothes in a pile on the floor, it took all my willpower to keep from walking up to her, putting my hand on her shoulder and saying, "Honey...you're a large".
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